I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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