I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
