Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
