My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
