Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
where am i from again
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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