Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
