This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
