So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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