when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
it's like iHOP with fire
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
