My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
