i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
