can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
