Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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