Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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