She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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