my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
