i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
