When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
tell me about the eggs
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