...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
