He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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