It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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