i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
