The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
