this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
