Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
