we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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