you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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