Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
