1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
