why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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