Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
