There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
