Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
