I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
