just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
