i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
