I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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