he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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