I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
