Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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