As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
