i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
