I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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