I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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