Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
