It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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