Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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