I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
