Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
