I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
