I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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