You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
